My skin doesn’t fit anymore. It still does its job, which is to keep my innards in and the outside world out, but there’s a lot more slack in the sack than there used to be. Other than surgery, there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
Things sag. Particularly my neck. It seems I get to choose between double chins or a turkey wattle. When I finally got a handle on dropping a few of my extraneous pounds I wasn’t expecting a turkey wattle to appear. Nora Ephrom says it better than I can in her book I Feel Bad About My Neck although her turtleneck option just seems to push my wattle up so it rests gently on top of my collar. Maybe when I lose another 25 pounds I’ll be able to pass it off as a scarf tucked into the neckline of my blouse. A little paint, a few sequins – this could be the start of a new fashion trend. If it works I’ll be selling Neck-Scarf kits here soon.
And then there’s my face. The best cosmetic trick in my arsenal is denial. Not wearing my glasses and using a good squint smooths things out well enough for me to get my make-up on and leave the house. I use a small wall-mounted magnifying mirror for the critical parts. It’s small so I can concentrate on one part without having to see the rest in high definition. There are some things that just shouldn’t been viewed at high magnification, especially first thing in the morning.
I have a friend who swears by her counter top lighted magnifying makeup mirror but that piece of equipment frightens me. It’s scary for a couple of reasons. First, the lights are too good. Good lights are just too cruel. If I could manage it without setting fire to my hair, I’d do my face by candle light. The second reason is I’m tall enough that I would have to look down toward a counter top mirror. One piece of advise for anyone over the age of about 35 – never look down in a mirror. Just don’t. It could ruin, or at least severely limit, your sex life.